It was not long ago that I met this man, who wrote the most beautiful and deep stories I have the pleasure to read everyday like it was the first time. Let me tell you about him. He was a thinker, those that we can barely find in a lifetime worth of search about those unique persons. I often saw him, in his late days, smoking his cigarette by the window, watching the stars, searching for answers. I don't know everything about what he thought about during those moments, but I had the pleasure to know some of those thoughts and better yet, talk about it. I don't remember when I first met him, but I remember how it was. I was sitting at the bar, lost in every single way you can imagine. He was not far from me. I guess he noticed my expression of deep sadness and without looking at me, he spoke to me:
- Life can be quiet a mess sometimes. May I advise you kid, that this will happen more often than you think, but don't let it put you down.
I looked at him in the middle of my yet to find senses and thought "how the hell can you say that without even know me?" but without having the time to spoke it he replied: "I've been down that road before".
I was confused. How could someone say those things just by looking at me? Truth is, the more I knew him, the more I understood his words in that specific day. He wished for a better life, for better days. He never lost his hope in having someone by his side, with a smile on her face. Fate wouldn't give it to him, but instead of losing his ways, he would sit in silence, watching life follow its ways. He knew that he would end up alone, not by choice, but because he embraced his fate. I once had the nerve to ask him about love...
- What do you think about love?
- "I doesn't matter. Is love something I should spend my days trying to describe it? I don't need to. Love is a beautiful feeling, one of the most unique feelings the humankind will ever have the chance to know, but it is also a dangerous thing. Love hurts? Yes, it does, but love can do so much worse than that. You can find your true love in things and still not able to make them happen. You can find true love in people and not even have it for yourself. Love is like a dream and when you wake up, you may never have it again. You feel alive, but a part of you is dying. If your love, suddenly, goes away, you just die. Love kills."
- May I ask you if did you ever find your true love?
- "My friend, you can ask me everything. You see, love doesn't follow a logic reason. Yes, I did find my true love, but maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe she wasn't ready. Maybe neither any of us was or maybe she deserved better than me. I will never know the answer. What I do know, is that we ended up following different paths. When she left, I couldn't do anything else than feel the void inside of me. I never knew about her for a while. An old friend said she was happy, with kids. A beautiful couple. But I never, ever, tried to reach out to her again. Before you ask, yes, I wanted, but I couldn't. Maybe one day she will remember me, maybe not, but as far as I'm concerned, I just rest my case. In the end, you can say I didn't deserve her, which I think too. But I still believe I will have someone, one day, even if I'm too old for that to happen."
His words stuck in my head. How could someone like him, end up alone? I think, maybe, he choose to live that way, so no one could hurt him. I never knew the scars he had until I have read about them in his pappers, that he asked me to keep with me. I tried to find that woman to no avail. Maybe she's out there looking for him. No one knows. What I do know, is that this man was much more than he would ever show.